"I'm Not Alright"

Came across this song by Sanctus Real today... beautiful song, IMO. But the meaning of the lyrics is the best part. It is my belief that we must come broken and emptied at the feet of Christ before we can truly know the full sweetness of a relationship with Him. If there are things in our life--be they good things, bad things, or merely "defense mechanisms"--that we can cling to to make ourselves feel "alright", we will miss out on the beauty of humility and utter emptiness / brokenness before Christ. Let us fall broken and defenseless before the mercy seat--it's there that the healing begins (see 10th Avenue North's "Healing Begins" ). God doesn't want us to be "tough for Christ"... He wants us to stand utterly vulnerable before Him and admit our utter weakness and let Him fill us with His strength so that we can be useful tools in His hand.

Ok. Now to the song. X) I personally prefer the WOW 2011 remix version (which is what I heard on an album preview), but this is the only one readily available. (if you wanna hear the Wow 2011 version, I recommend New Release Tuesday's album preview... the song starts around 13:50)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2LCvCBaqVg

If weakness is a wound
That no one wants to speak of
Then "cool" is just how far we have to fall

I am not immune
I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall

Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess

I'm not all right
I'm broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you

Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Until everything I hide behind is gone

And when I'm open wide
With nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on

Honestly, I'm not that strong

And I move closer to you

I'm not all right...that's why I need you

About me...

I am dead and I am living.
I am fallen, and I am risen.
I am sinful, and I am sanctified.
I am worthless, yet I am precious.
I was born 17 years ago, yet have only been alive for two.
I'm a murderer on an eternal scale who has been pardoned on an eternal scale.
I'm a hater who has been shown love, and a lover who has been shown hate.
I'm a dreamer who has embraced reality, and a realist with many dreams.
I'm a author with a pen, and a pen with an Author.
I'm a life with a story, and a story with a life.
I'm a heart with a song of joy, and a song with a heart of joy.
I am a mourner who has rejoiced, and a rejoicer who has mourned.
I am a conqueror who is weak, and a weakling who has conquered.
I am an empty vessel that has been filled, and a full vessel that has been emptied.
I am a mortal creature who will have life forever.
I am a stranger where I live, and a citizen where I do not.
I am a bride waiting for her Groom and a girl waiting to be a bride.
I am always fully satisfied, and yet I always hunger
I am the wandering sheep, the prodigal son, the belligerent thief--yet I am the sought, I am the beloved, I am the treasured.
I am the betrayal, the thorns, the nails, the jeers--yet I am the daughter, the friend, the Bride, the chosen, the redeemed.
I am the one who ran away, yet I am the one who will follow until death.
I am the one who cursed, yet I am the one who praises.
I am the one who broke faith, and yet I am the one who has been shown faith.
I am the one who despaired, yet I am the one who has all hope.
I am forever indebted, and yet my debt was paid in full.

I am a harmonious paradox, because I am a sinner and a saint.

Married At 17!?

Up until I was 15/16, I always wanted to--and planned on--getting married when I was 17. When I hit somewhere around 15.5, I realized that that was most likely not happening. When I turned 16, I knew it wasn't happening. When I turned 17 (5mos ago), I laughed out loud that I'd ever thought I'd get married at 17.

Well, not for the first time and not for the last, I stand corrected. I am 17 and I have been called to leave and cleave to the most amazing lover on this planet (no, I'm not biased. Trust me). He's given up everything to woo me, even though I was a complete jerk to him for most of the years he tried. I am totally undeserving of the incredible man who has asked me to be his bride, but I'm very, very, very glad he chose me!!! I don't know when the wedding is yet, but I can't wait!! I won't take his last name, though… only he is deserving of that name: Jesus Christ.

I've known him for a couple years now (I can't wait to post the story of how we met!), and they've been the sweetest years of my entire life! But lately, He's taken our relationship to a wonderful new level. He has been testing me and asking me lately--do I really love Him more than anything and everything else? Am I really willing to leave behind everything and anything to go with Him, even if the road leads into troubled times? Do I love him enough to leave and cleave to Him alone?

My answer is yes. And now the little hopeless romantic writing this has finally realized why it's possible for some people to be single their entire lives. God's love is so overpowering, so consuming, so all-sufficient, that nothing else on this planet can hold a candle to it--not even if I were to marry the dreamiest guy in the history of the planet. I know I was in love with Jesus before, but I can truly say that now I am utterly and madly in love with Him (and I'm sure I can love Him more yet)! And, honestly, that's all that matters to me--resting always in His love, but also working and fighting in His love wherever that Love leads me.

Now, I don't know if He ever plans on sharing me with another lover… I wouldn't particularly mind that, but, by the grace of God, He shall forevermore have the first place in my heart--He will always be my truest Lover.

Covered by Your love divine // Child of the risen Lord// To hear You say: "This one's Mine"// My heart is spoken for…

Amicus certus in re incerta cernitur
A true friend is discerned during an uncertain matter

Or, another translation: 'A true friend ascends in times of need'. Found that quote and couldn't help but think how true it is... and how it goes well with "A friend loves at all times", eh? :)

Beautiful Worship

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NN9hX61vhg

Phillips Craig & Dean - Revelation Song

Worthy is the,
Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to Him who sits on
Heaven's Mercy Seat
[Repeat 2x]

(Chorus)
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And I will adore You…!
Yeah!

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and
Glory and power be
To You the Only Wise King,
Yeah

(Chorus)

Filled with wonder,
Awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your Name
Jesus, Your Name is Power
Breath, and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery
Yeah...

(Chorus)

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come,
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And – I - will - adore YOU…

(Chorus) (Repeat at a cappella)

Come up lift up His Name
To the King of Kings…
We will adore YOU Lord…
King of heaven and earth
King Jesus, King Jesus
Aleluya, aleluya, aleluya!
Majesty, awestruck Honor
And Power and Strength and Dominion
To You Lord,
To the King, to King
To the King of Glory

Chorus (Repeats)

A thought...

Our walk with God-
Walking Humbly= our head bent towards the ground, watching our feet and HIS feet... and whether or not the two are staying in sync.
Walking in Pride= our head raised proudly, at first just to study and speculate on the path a little ways ahead of us, but eventually our eyes start to wander every which-way... easy to lose sight of the Master and the way He's going.

a slightly different New Years resolution (subtitle: questions)

well, technically it's slightly late for a New Year's Resolution, so maybe I'll go a little deeper than that, since it's a little later than that, with yet another insanely long blog post. (tho'... I wanna see in writing the precept that says blog posts are short...) =) With the college program I'm doing, one of the things they highly recommend doing (and I would also HIGHLY recommend this to all my readers) is a short life purpose planning course. Now, coming from the family I come from, I already had this sort of mindset trained into me, but with going through some practical exercises of this mindset, a deeper look into who I really am, and the grace and guidance of my Lord preparing me both before, during, and after this course, I've come out of said course looking at things a little differently. I don't have time to go into all the details, unfortunately (I've got two huge goals for this year: finish my gen. ed. credits, aka, first 2 years of college, AND publishing my novel, so I'm quite busy and lovin' it =), but there is one thing I've begun to do that I wanted to share with you. It's very simple and helpful. When you sit down to plan ANYTHING (especially your 2010) ask yourself this (I like spreadsheets, so I make a column for this or add it in italics under anything I plan in a document) :

To What Purpose?

(In simpler terms... why the heck am I doing this? *wink*)

If you think about the answer for even a few minutes, you may find yourself reevaluating your activities a little bit. Or at least thinking more deeply about them, which is always a good idea. Life is waaay too short, my friends. I'm suggesting that, if we want to really 'go places' (and hopefully it is your goal as well as mine to surrender your idea of 'going places' to the SAVIOR's idea of 'going places') we MUST consider carefully the things we choose to fill our precious time with. What do we really want to be about (and this will be different for everyone)? What does that practically look like? And how will we get there? These are three key questions, especially for young people who will shortly be making important decisions that will affect the rest of their lives. I recommend you ask them to yourself and God. But on the smaller scale, let us carefully evaluate our every step along the path of life. Why do we do what we do? What's the point?

And perhaps most importantly: Where are we going? And why?

Always been one for questions myself. *grin* Hopefully these will intrigue and not scare you. *wink* With the Lord as my teacher and guide, I found the search for these answers to be a very enlightening and edifying one. (and yeah, definitely check out that link. it's only one reasonably short book that you can go through on your own time, but it's incredibly insightful and helpful)

Here's hoping yours will be as well, matey-o. ;)

mE