Of diapers, dishes and long-gone characters

If that isn't random, I don't know what is. But that's my life. Change a diaper... write. Make a meal... write. Do the dishes... write. Hang wit the LB (little boys, for those of you unfamiliar with MIT lingo).... write. Do school.... write. Get some fresh air... you get the idea. It's my life now, and I'm dearly hoping that will continue to be my life, when this MIT/writer turns into a MIP/writer (MIP=Mother in practice... also known as MFR, or, Mother for real) with lots of LK to call her own. Surprisingly enough, even though I love my story, my characters and everything about writing, I find I enjoy changing Zoob's diaper (read: the normal, everyday things in life) just as much. There's a sort of fulfillment and joy in just LIVING and doing the everyday tasks of living- diapers, dishes, etc, etc. *shrug* Another of those funny things you learn about life when you get to be as old (hehehe) as I am. *grin*

On another note... I've been invaded. A character I kicked from my story into another story long ago has resurfaced. At first it was innocent- he showed up as a part of the background in a tavern one of my MCs was entering. Next thing you know, he stalks some other good guys, accosts that MC and makes a general nuisance of himself. He is dead set on seeing three OTHER MCs- MCs that are off limits, you understand- and has promised me he won't rest until he sees them, even though I told him that he would get in trouble with the 'caretaker' of those off-limit MCs. He said he'd sneak in when the 'caretaker'- if you could call Jack a 'caretaker'- wasn't around. Which means he's been reading my outlines and knows there's gonna be ONE time, one single stinkin' time, when Jack isn't around to stop him. *weary sigh* I'm gonna have to lay down a law regarding characters reading those outlines... can't have them all pullin' stunts like this on me... *insane grin*

Math Music

Math and music go together. I wrote an 11-paged research paper on the subject of music's affect on the mind, but I can't really go into all the details about how and why NOW and HERE. Suffice it to say, music has very interesting stimulative effects on the brain in many different areas/ways. I've experienced this first-hand. And I would recommend to anyone struggling in their math- listen to some good music and you'll soar. However, I've noticed that, for me, it has to be a certain TYPE of music. Don't ask me why. In fact, I have a playlist on my iPod with only 7 songs- deemed the very best math songs. These happen to be tracks from the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtracks:
(the order doesn't really matter, as I always listen on 'shuffle')
1. The Medallion Calls (POTC: COTBP)
2. He's a Pirate (POTC: COTBP)
3. Jack Sparrow (POTC: DMC)
4. Wheel of Fortune (POTC: DMC)
5. Up is Down (POTC: AWE)
6. One Day (POTC: AWE)
7. Drink up, me hearties yo ho (POTC: AWE)

I normally just listen to my whole library on shuffle or just the POTC soundtracks, but yesterday I thought about it carefully, compiled those songs, and got a MUCH better grade on my math than I've been getting. Speaking of math... that's really where I ought to be right now. *glances around furtively, then runs into the kitchen*

Love is...

... weird, first and foremost. (honestly I wish I didn't have to say anything more on the subject. 'Weird' sums it up quite nicely- and that'll become even more apparent as this post unfolds.)
...confusing, and...
... painful, yet...
...wonderful, yet...
...awful, yet...
...something that doesn't die easily, yet...
...something cynics make fun of, yet...
... the stuff stories are made of, yet...
...something little boys gross out at (don't blame 'em!), yet...
... something every heart- even the cynical ones- long for, yet...
...something that so easily misguides, yet...
... something that is supposed to protect, nurture and flourish under the right circumstances, and...
...something the world was built on, yet...
...something the Devil corrupts/twists so badly, yet...
...something God used so amazingly, that our world has never been the same.

*shakes head* Like I said- weird.

You know you're a fantasy writer when...

...you refer to Middle Earth like a real country
... you kill a character and your friends get mad at you
...you kill characters because they did something you didn't like. Or because they mad a dumb decision on their own.
...you get names by scrambling/taking pieces of real words
...you wrote and recited, as a school project, a poem in your own language
...you wish you could telepathically communicate over long distances with your friends
...you and your best friend claim to have developed mutual telepathy. And your parents are starting to wonder...
...you create a creature that's more or less a dragon, yet still find ways to assure your readers it's not one
...you gave up trying to think up plotlines in bed because you couldn't fall asleep
...you act out battle/emotional scenes from your story in order to write them perfectly
...you always sit facing the window when you ride in the car so you can act out said scenes while listening to your iPod.
...you scare yourself with a creature you invented
...you walk outside at night to take the trash out and wonder if you'll be spirited away by a villain from another world who's secretly trying to kill you
...you realize that virtually every story you write revolves around some sort of prophecy
...you wonder if your best friend is really your long lost sibling/twin

there are more (ones I DIDN'T come up with) but I hafta get on school now.

SNOW!

Wow... it's been forever for us down here, but FINALLY, I'm looking at a GOOD snowfall. I'm estimating 2-3inches, and STILL growing!! Can't make this long... I wanna play in the snow!!!

Update: Boy... you wanna talk about a winter wonderland- try the woods behind my house. It was absolutely AMAZING out there, and so covered in snow we could barely find our way around! (which was, of course, totally awesome) The LB ('little boys' for those of you unfamiliar with the term) enjoyed it bunches, especially since they'd never been in the woods before. =-)

Torn Between Two Loves

*sigh* In some ways I love having many gifts and many loves... in some ways I don't. How is one to adequately split their time between writing, playing piano, playing guitar, WRITING music, scoring films, reading, AND editing? I kid you not- that's my life. Not to mention just lingering outside enjoying God's beautiful nature and engaging in those activities necessary to living a semi-normal life. And chores, taking care of so many wonderful siblings... you get the picture.

A dream's on the brink of coming true- me scoring an actual film (a short one, but what da hey!) But I'm totally wrapped up in my story at the moment, and for someone as obsessive/excessive as myself, I sort of have to get into 'moods'- writing or music. (playing instruments aren't a problem... just composing) And I am soooooooo very loathe to leave my 'writing mood'. I love my characters. I love my story. I love WRITING my story.

*sigh* It's horrible to try to choose between the two... I love both with equal passion but it's a real pain to linger between the two all the time

Well. There. I said it. I feel better for it. Sometimes it's good to rant every now and again. That's nowhere near one of MY rants, but it's theraputic all the same. But that's a rambling for another time. =-)

Midnight readings

Well... I was up 'til 12AM last night, lying it bed, with my throat killing me and my body screaming for sleep. But anyone who's read Ted Dekker will sympathize- there is a certain point in all his stories that I dub "the point of no return". Meaning it's impossible to set the book down. Normally this section is about 100 pages, if not more. So I stayed up until midnight to finish "Red". And it was WELL worth it. It's the second book in a trilogy- The Circle Trilogy- so I can't say much about it. Only that it has perhaps the most powerful allegory I've ever read. I was literally crying at some parts... which is kinda rare for me. (granted, I WAS sick... that normally makes the species 'girl' more emotional...) I'd highly reccomend it for anyone who loves a good thriller/fantasy, well-written story, or well-written allegory. Dekker nails all three and more, IMHO.

Cup O' Tea

*sigh* I guess I know that Christmas break really is over now. I just drank the last cup of my Christmas tea. My grandparents gave me a box of 'chai latte mix' (yummy!) for Christmas, with 8 packets of mix. I used HALF a packet for a cup of tea. And today... I slowly sip the last packet. *sigh, then brightens* Oh well... at least I still have the mug... my favorite- it reads "Please do not annoy the writer. She may put you in a book and kill you." *grin*

Well... I know that was random, but I've got a bunch of schoolwork on my plate, so TTFN, Blogland!

Purely hypothetical question

Purely hypothetical, of COURSE... what happens when someone (party A) tries to protect someone else (party B), but handles it badly but ends up hurting partyB? How does the vicious cycle end, if partyA is trying to do what's right and good (even though it's difficult) while partyB assumes partyA is being hateful? (did I mention we authors THRIVE on hypothetical questions?)

Debate

Well... today is the first day of school. And Dad is starting the day off with a debate El and I were supposed to have OVER A MONTH AGO!!!! So, needless to say, we've forgotten most of the work we'd done on that thing. But El is going to win. She always wins. I stink at debate. *sigh* Oh well. I don't really care. I got over 100 pages written AND edited over our somewhat extended Christmas break, so I don't really care if I lose our first debate. Not MUCH, anyways. It's kinda frustrating to be continually beat by your little sib.

But now it's time to go prepare for my destruction. *takes hat off and places over heart* Wish me... luck...

The 3rd

What a freaky weather day we've had. This afternoon sported PERFECT story inspiration. Wow. But I'm not here to talk about the weather. I think I've done enough of that for one day. What I'm doing here at 10:40pm is informing you of my 3rd blog (why on earth have I started three blogs? why on earth did I ask that question? why on earth did I ask THAT question?),

http://www.wonderfulworldowriting.blogspot.com/

It deals with specific writing stuff. Like the fact that I finished fixing chapter 6... *relieved grin* Boy, that made me happy. But it doesn't make me any less sleepy. So for now I shall say farewell.

Farewell!

...or not.

Well, haha... it just started pouring down rain here. Ah well. It happens. But it was so wonderful to have a little sliver of sunshine and fresh air before the rains came down. *glances at the LB [little boy]'s bedroom* But I guess this means we're in for yet another rainy day (see a couple posts below)... *sigh*

The Sun is Shinin'...

I walked outside this morning to take the dog potty... and was met by a warm breeze. Actually, it was more like a warm wind. Not too hot... not too cold... ahhhhh. It was perfect. The sunrise, the wind, the colors. That was one of the most peaceful quiet times I've had in a while. And yesterday was such a dull, rainy day (btw, I DID survive... obviously...). It's a great reminder that the sun will always come out again. After the night, after the storm... the sun will come back.

*starts singing softly* The sun'll come out/Tomorrow/Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow/There'll be sun/Just thinkin' about/Tomorrow/Put off all your worries, cares and sorrows/'Til there's none...

'Ma ma'

My little sister has just started the cutest thing. She calls me 'mama'!!! It's so adorable. Needless to say, Mom hates it. *sits back and folds hands behind head* Ahhh... one of the benefits of being a MIT. (a Mother-In-Training) for those of you unfamiliar with the abbreviation. She also calls me 'Ray-rah' in an attempt to say 'Éyrah'- my MC. It's what I told her to call me. *grin*

I will find my strength....

Sorrow. Heartache. Depression. Grief/Mourning. If I'm not mistaken, everyone reading this is human. (if you're not, keep reading and you'll learn a little about our strange race) Meaning, everyone reading this has probably felt or will feel one or all of the above (and more) at some point at their life. I tend to think I get more than my fair share of the above, but we'll leave that for now. Thing is, I have a great family, wonderful (and I mean WONDERFUL) parents, all my needs cared for, and numerous things I don't NEED (but enjoy immensely... like the laptop I'm writing this on...). I'm living a life very different from a lot of people- a life of truth and love that so many people today miss out on. Some would call me gifted- there are several things I can do well that I enjoy doing. The list could go on. Suffice it to say I am an incredibly blessed little girl. And yet I still suffer at times. I still get depressed- that horrible feeling you can't seem to shake no matter how hard you try. I know what it is to mourn (I've felt the death of someone close...). I know what it is to not want to live another day. I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know what it's like to cry yourself to sleep. And I know what it is to suffer through all these things and cry out “I can't take it any more!”. What a hopeless existence this is. Would be, actually, because there's one thing that way too many people leave out of the equation- the Great Lover of our souls. Without Him, I'd be right- there is no hope. Without Him, we ARE lost in our sin, our guilt, our sorrow, our pain. But I have found my strength in something- someONE- much, much bigger than me. I had to be broken before I truly realized it, but now I wouldn't trade all the heartache and pain for anything in the world, because it's brought me to TRUE healing. I am loved. That alone is enough to wipe away every tear. In fact, I am loved so much, that my Lover came down from His glorious throne, became a lowly servant and gave his life for me- all before I ever knew Him. There is no greater love than that. So I will find my strength in the beat of His heart- in the depths of His love for me. Funny thing is, I've broken His heart so many times... and yet He still loves me just the same and constantly extends His love to me, drawing me back again to His embrace and teaching me how to love Him. So very many times He has proven His love for me- rescuing me when I was drowning in tears and pain, carrying me when I was too weak to walk, giving me His hand to hold when I felt I could not endure another day. And yet there are so few who truly realize this. Most of the world spurns this love and spits in His face. And still He loves them. It makes no sense. Our world today is completely obsessed with 'love', or so they call it. It can be found in most stories, songs, movies, you name it. Everybody longs for it. Almost everybody is hurt trying to find it. And yet the greatest, most perfect love anyone could ever want is right at their doorstep, waiting to enter and make them whole and turn their weeping into laughter. Well, I can't save the world- I can't MAKE them understand this. I can't even save myself. But I do know this- no more will I look to myself for strength. I have finally realized that I am completely incapable of fighting sorrow or depression on my own (it took long enough, too). No... I will find my strength in the eternal Love of my Lord.

Rainy Ol' Days/Rolling Away...

Whoops. Twisted the lyrics a little there, but ah well. You get the idea. Well, on this planet (or should I say 'in) of 314 Deerfield Dr... it's a day headed for chaos. Yes, I know it's only 8:25am local time and that most of my family isn't even awake. Notwithstanding... it's going to be a rough day. I'm no prophet... all I have to do is look outside. Have any of you ever TRIED to keep four VERY active boys aged 4-11 cooped up in a 2100 sq ft house? Howabout a 3500 sq ft house (what we have now)? It's not fun. Short of CD games and videos all day, there's not a lot you can do to sedate little boys (which is partly what makes them so much fun... on any day BUT a rainy one). And too much media turns them into grumpy zombies. Don't get me started on grumpy zombies. So they end up running around the house, bouncing of walls, - you get the picture- and generally driving me, my Mom and El (my next-in-line sister) bonkers by the end of the day. Not to mention rainy days typically make for bad attitudes all around. Have you ever noticed that? I'm guessing it's something to do with the pressure or something in the atmosphere, but every rainy day I'm either depressed, grumpy, hyper-sensitive... and usually a combination of the three. So here I am at my computer, listening to my wonderful family awaken to a day that we all know will be a challenge and striving for a few minutes of sanity (oh wait... editng/writing doesn't count as 'sanity' does it?) before this crazy day gets underway.

Oh...and did I mention unpacking, taking down Christmas decorations and all the chores involved in a family of 9? I guess not... *dies*

"PS"... If you read the above post carefully, you should already be able to see the rain's effects on me! ;-)

It's coming. It's inevitable. YOU'RE NEXT.

Tomorrow I'm attending the wedding of a friend. And the feeling is so very strange. Granted, this friend isn't very close (she's a couple years my senior and we go to different churches now), but I've known her and hung out with her and our families are fairly good friends. Most of all, it's a reminder of what will come. I'm 15.5 (I count half-birthdays) and I have many older friends (I'm not into the 'hanging out solely with peers' garbage). And, with the pending marriage of this young lady, I'm reminded that soon, Time will strike a little closer to home. It's a bittersweet feeling. And that's only thinking about it. Fortunately (or is it 'unfortunately'?) my sister is younger than me, and I kinda doubt she'll be married before me. Ergo I won't have to 'lose her' before losing myself. =-) But it's a sobering reality. Marriage is a funny thing. Some people don't have the family ties I have and can't wait to 'get away'. For me, it's the opposite. I can't imagine leaving my fam, not even for the man who will be my very best friend this side of Heaven (sorry, but no man alive can top my Lord when it comes to love). And yet I know, when the time comes, I'll go. I know myself well enough. And it will be bittersweet (anyone know a good synonym for 'bittersweet'?). It's the transition of a lifetime- leaving your family (of course they'll always be there, but it'll never be the same) and taking on a new one. Exciting to say the least. Walking in God's Plan usually is.

Carry me away...

Everyone gets sad. Some more than others. Most who know me don't believe it, but I've been 'melancholy' my whole life. Meaning I have the tendency to get sad (or sometimes just BE sad) often. Sometimes for no reason. For this I have found two cures- crying, and listening to sad music. Crying is the most therapeutic- it feels so nice just to have a good cry every once in a while- but I know that, for me, I'm not always capable of crying. Weird, but true. So I often resort to sad music. After I listen to enough, I either start to cry or get swallowed up in the melancholy beauty of what I'm listening to. And I feel better. Pro'ly won't work for everyone, but it does me. Below are some of the very best 'sorrowful' songs I've ever heard:

“Dark Waltz”~ Hayley Westenra. Very dark-sounding, but gorgeous and eerie at the same time.
“Evenstar”~Howard Shore (from LOTR: The Two Towers). Words can't describe....
“Billy's Theme”~Howard Shore (from a movie I've never seen). Mournful is the best way to put it.
“Forth Eorlings”~Howard Shore (from LOTR: The Two Towers). It's not exactly mournful or sorrowful, but it's full of emotion- especially one part- and often brings tears to my eyes, even when I'm not sad.
“Twilight and Shadow”~ Howard Shore (from LOTR: Return of the King). A sad, mournful-ish choral piece. Reminiscent of “Evenstar”.

Oh lessee... there are more, but it's time for me to bid adieu to Blogland for the time being. But I'll be back... mwahahahaha....

2009 and the last lingering days of '08

Well... my 2008 went out with a bang. Quite appropriate, since it was probably the best and definitely the most interesting year of my life. Note, when I say 'bang', I don't mean a huge party or a published novel or anything. I'm talking about RISK. It's a game of world-domination, for any of you unfortunate enough not to know what that is. And for most of the game, I was playing with four boys- aged 6, 8, 11 and 44. =-) However, I discovered the secret art of staying alive in Risk... you sit back in the corner and write, only coming out when necessary, and everyone forgets about you and leaves you alive. They're all too busy shouting (hilarious) insults at each other and talking about dominating everyone. Quite entertaining too, I might add. So I took 3rd, which is an improvement on the last couple years. And, as expected, Dad was the one who dominated. I've got the reputation in the house of the 'crazy doomsayer-prophet-person' telling everyone that Dad is going to win. They all laughed.

Dad has this win-lose cycle. One year he loses 'cause everyone is very cautious of him and gets him out first. Then the next year, they think they won because he's somehow getting weaker. That year, he wins. Now he's got a new strategy- play off the win-lose cycle to his advantage. He consistently reminded them, "Oh... this is my year to lose." So they were over confident. 'They' being everyone except me. But, in Risk, there's little one person can do against Dad alone, unless they don't mind going down right along with him (that's happened waaaaaay too many times.) My goal in life (ok, in my RISK-life) is to beat Dad. And this year, I failed. *hangs head* Now you know.

On a different note, I said goodbye to the year 2008. Pity... I had just gotten used to it. I'll be 16 this year- a transition I'm less than thrilled to make. As the ball dropped and the clock changed to 12am on the first day of the new year, I felt a strange sensation of apprehension and excitement. It's like a story- Part 16- The Year 2008 ended with a few surprising twists, some for good, some for ill. Part 17 has begun and is yet enshrouded in mystery. Enter the not-so-hero (aka, me).