I will find my strength....

Sorrow. Heartache. Depression. Grief/Mourning. If I'm not mistaken, everyone reading this is human. (if you're not, keep reading and you'll learn a little about our strange race) Meaning, everyone reading this has probably felt or will feel one or all of the above (and more) at some point at their life. I tend to think I get more than my fair share of the above, but we'll leave that for now. Thing is, I have a great family, wonderful (and I mean WONDERFUL) parents, all my needs cared for, and numerous things I don't NEED (but enjoy immensely... like the laptop I'm writing this on...). I'm living a life very different from a lot of people- a life of truth and love that so many people today miss out on. Some would call me gifted- there are several things I can do well that I enjoy doing. The list could go on. Suffice it to say I am an incredibly blessed little girl. And yet I still suffer at times. I still get depressed- that horrible feeling you can't seem to shake no matter how hard you try. I know what it is to mourn (I've felt the death of someone close...). I know what it is to not want to live another day. I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know what it's like to cry yourself to sleep. And I know what it is to suffer through all these things and cry out “I can't take it any more!”. What a hopeless existence this is. Would be, actually, because there's one thing that way too many people leave out of the equation- the Great Lover of our souls. Without Him, I'd be right- there is no hope. Without Him, we ARE lost in our sin, our guilt, our sorrow, our pain. But I have found my strength in something- someONE- much, much bigger than me. I had to be broken before I truly realized it, but now I wouldn't trade all the heartache and pain for anything in the world, because it's brought me to TRUE healing. I am loved. That alone is enough to wipe away every tear. In fact, I am loved so much, that my Lover came down from His glorious throne, became a lowly servant and gave his life for me- all before I ever knew Him. There is no greater love than that. So I will find my strength in the beat of His heart- in the depths of His love for me. Funny thing is, I've broken His heart so many times... and yet He still loves me just the same and constantly extends His love to me, drawing me back again to His embrace and teaching me how to love Him. So very many times He has proven His love for me- rescuing me when I was drowning in tears and pain, carrying me when I was too weak to walk, giving me His hand to hold when I felt I could not endure another day. And yet there are so few who truly realize this. Most of the world spurns this love and spits in His face. And still He loves them. It makes no sense. Our world today is completely obsessed with 'love', or so they call it. It can be found in most stories, songs, movies, you name it. Everybody longs for it. Almost everybody is hurt trying to find it. And yet the greatest, most perfect love anyone could ever want is right at their doorstep, waiting to enter and make them whole and turn their weeping into laughter. Well, I can't save the world- I can't MAKE them understand this. I can't even save myself. But I do know this- no more will I look to myself for strength. I have finally realized that I am completely incapable of fighting sorrow or depression on my own (it took long enough, too). No... I will find my strength in the eternal Love of my Lord.